Monday, August 28, 2006

Att komma hem


Förra veckan var jag i Västerås och hälsade på min släkt under några dagar. Återkomsten till hemstaden får många tankar att börja cirkulera. Var jag än tittar så vaknar ett minne, vem jag än ser så känner jag med största sannolikhet igen personen från någonstans. Tveklöst så är personen från Västerås i alla fall eftersom de har ett speciellt anlete med särskilda drag. Vilka är svårt att säga, kanske är det uppsynen.

Staden är som en stor lekplats tack vare att jag känner till varje hörn. Mitt rebelliska Jag kommer fram och vill gärna köra 85 km/h där man egentligen bara får köra 70 km/h. Jag vill att ödet ska se till att gamla pojkvänner dyker upp bara för att få en inblick i vad de gör idag eller kanske få återuppleva de gamla känslorna (som var bra) en liten stund. Eller bara för att jag ska få berätta att jag har flytt staden och gift mig med underbara Kennedy. Jag blir sugen att gå ut på krogen och ta en riktig bläcka, och jag blir definitivt röksugen (har slutat för nästan precis ett år sedan).

Av en slump så dyker det upp en situation och ett ställe som går långt tillbaka på den oundvikliga memory lane - Rocklundamarknaden är på intåg. En stor händelse för mig och mina kompisar när vi var sisådär 13-15 år. Då vi gick på discot, provade öl och cigaretter och småbråkade med tjejerna från Köping. Nu är det en blandning av raggare, inavel och ett par stackars västeråsare (som jag definitivt inte vill säga hej till) som storögt besviket tittar på 10-kronorsbutiksvaror som säljs för 49. Och för att spola bandet tillbaka ännu mer så åker jag därefter förbi en parkbänk där jag och en av mina ungdomskärlekar satt och kysstes...Det känns som om jag är med i en film om mitt eget liv då alla bilder spelas upp. Kanske skulle det vara annorlunda om jag var kvar längre, att jag då på något sätt hann vänja mig med omgivningen igen?

Även om det infinner sig en sorts trygghetskänsla när jag kommer hem, så finns det så många andra variabler som gör att jag får en överdos efter bara 3-4 dagar. Jag börjar spänna mig och intar en identitetsroll (en fasad som blandar harmonisk kvinna och tuff fjortonåring) och det börjar klia i hela kroppen. Sedan ser jag dem. Konsumkassörskan som suttit på samma stol i 25 år. David som suttit på samma fik i Skrapan i 20 år och krogvakterna som cirkulerat på stans uteställen sedan jag var 15. De har stannat. Kanske har de utvecklats på andra sätt, men de står kvar på ruta ett och vi utväxlar samma ord som vi alltid har gjort. Får de inte panik ibland? Mår de verkligen så bra som de säger? Eller har de bara inte det modet eller nyfikenheten som gör att de vill fly rutinerna och uppleva mer?

Man måste ju inte flytta från sin hemstad eller bli Madonna för att må bra i livet, men det känns ändå läskigt när folk stannar på samma plats, och framför allt i samma roll, runt 20 års tid eller mer. Eller så är det just det som är lyckans medicin - att tidigt hitta den man är och stanna i det? Det sägs ju att man ska landa i sig själv och se lyckan i "det lilla" - men är verkligen "det lilla" en vit kaffekopp på Café Skrapan som man sett nästan varje dag i 15 års tid?

puss Tereza

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hej vännen!
Jo jag håller med dig Tereza på alla punkter! det är med en skräck blandad förtjusning jag har flyttat hem igen..
Alla gamla minen sköljer över en i omgångar vart än man går..Men det innebär även en form av trygghet att just känna igen sig, allt är lättare och hitta jag åker inte ständigt vilse med vare sig cykel eller bil (ofta förekommande i Malmö).
jag var i Malmö i förra veckan och kände oh vad jag har saknat den här stan!
Men nu när jag är här i Västerås igen så känns allt ganska lagom lugnt tryggt och hemma :)borta bra, men hemma bäst (just nu i alla fall)
Men det hade varit mysigt att göra stan med er alla igen, i vårt kära tuffa och så cooola gäng ;)

kram!
/Jessica Keisu

Anonymous said...

hej hej...
västerås ger definitivt blandade känslor...det finns nog både bra och dåligt med denna stad och man kanske inte ska kategorisera folk i vi och dem (aja baja cattis *blink*), en del behöver helt enkelt få komma bort till en mer anonym känsla som t.ex stockholm kan erbjuda och andra trivs bra i mellanstora/mindre städer eller till och med ensam ute i en koja någonstans med vargarna som enda sällskap under natten - ja du vet. i vilket fall som helst...snart kommer jag och hälsar på er i storstadsdjungeln. kramar, kramar (hihi, märkte du, här försvarar man sitt älskade västerås) kram igen

Anonymous said...

glömde en grej..david - haha du är bara för träffsäker ibland alltså

Anonymous said...

Vi och dem -du och jag, hon och han -den och det. Livet har sina skiljelinjer i gråskalornas land. Jag är oavsett färg alltid västeråsaren som går vilse ibland på sthlms gator och gränder.

Anonymous said...

Tja Terezzzzzza! mmm intressanta tankar du har. Ja det är märkliga känslor som dyker upp när man gör återbesök. Som du skriver, det behöver inte betyda misär för de som stannat kvar, eller har samma jobb. Det är mer komplext än så. Vad vet vi om deras lycka, och vad de anser att de åstadkommit? Det går helt enkelt inte att jämföra med varandra. Det som är bra för en kan vara total misär för en annan. Jag önskade jag hade en mer avslappnad attityd gentemot de gamla platserna. Besökte Uppsala i helgen, och det var en märklig känsla att gå omkring där. Först var jag lite rädd för att stöta på gamla kompisar från förr, från det "gamla" livet. Men jag stötte inte på nån. Det var på sätt och vis en ny stad. Omgjord, nya byggnader, butiker, ja och även "nytt" folk. Men jag kan allt där, så som du kan varenda gatsten i Västerås. På det viset känns Uppsala passe. Men man kommer troligtvis alltid att återvända dit, bara för att få uppleva minnen från förr. Kram Adam

Anonymous said...

Tja ba Tereza!
En blandning av nostalgi, reflexion över vad som hänt med en själv sen förra gången och ångest för hur åren går så fort... Hoppas allt e toppen.

Ted (Adams bror)

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